Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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