I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
