Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
