You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
They should really pass out barf bags in church
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
