my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just forgot I was standing up.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
