Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
