I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
