sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
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