i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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