this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
