Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
