I just threw up on my dentist
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
