so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
