Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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