I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
