Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My ass is underappreciated
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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