So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
