I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
