I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Still dying that you shit outside
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
