you would pick up someone in the library
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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