Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
