youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
