Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
