3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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