Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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