wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
