She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
