she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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