i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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