Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
