my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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