Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
