My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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