grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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