Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
