We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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