someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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