WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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