There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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