do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
