yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
