just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
