My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
