Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
