Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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