He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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