I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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