You made me cry and you don't even care
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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