My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
