Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many bounce houses so little time
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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