it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
