He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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