Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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