His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
