that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
