scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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