i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
