I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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