The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
